to be or not to be

I work in a company where I have regular interactions with the managing director of the company.In fact if not for him I would havebeen jobless.
back to topic:

He told that our company which was under american management might change to japanese management.He went on to add that we in india were not culturally ready to deal with japanese people.In japan it seems they give prority to country,society,company,family ,self in that order.It will not be a problem with americans to be otherwise but it will matter with japs.

I asked him what is wrong with hedonism.He told that it's not wrong but when some person has the intellect to and power to improve others along with him then he should do it.Man as any other animal is selfish by instinct but doing the other way is the only way we as a species can grow up in the value chain.

This got me to think deeply.Am i not supposed to have what I want.Should i sacrifice my desires for the greater good of mankind.(mankind is too strong a word."people around me" sounds better. )

Well sorry world, i will pass.I'm too self-obsessed to act the other way.Atleast at this point in my life.Maybe later.

Right now i'm a hedonist and happy being one.

PS:hedonist not in a sexual way only.
11:50 pm
la jolla
12th july 2006

reality check

i checked my blog after a week and I saw some comments.
one said something about sending some flowers so that i can be a man again.
LOL.....i started laughing because it was right in some sort of funny way.
Then i started thinking why I wrote about my first love and why did I write about the girl in the shop.

I thought that I had removed her from my system 6 years ago and then seeing an attractive girl after 6 years had brought back memories of her and made me so depressed that I blogged it.Oh my god.what was I thinking??

I started thinking the reason behind this.If I don't get this out of my head once and for all I may become the same thing as my blogreaders think iam:a nut job.

As I started analyzing my situation things began to make some sense.I was not crying over my failure with my love.It was a personality thing.I was brought up in a culture which is totally different from the one which i'm experiencing.

I saw a girl at an age when it's natural to get attracted to the member of opposite gender.But my upbringing didnot approve to proceed further.I just couldn't handle failure.whether it was love or obsession, well i guess i will never know and i don't want to.

Visiting U.S was a big cultural shock for me.Here the way thing works are way too different than the way it goes about in india.Now the same stuff happens again.Boy meets girl and deja vu the same thing repeats.

The question is not whether I can approach a girl or not.The question is whether should I approach a girl or not arising out of two conflicting cultures i have experienced.

The dilemna i'm facing is whether I should live a life of carefree dating and sex which I'm seeing here in U.S.The countless cycles of love-hate relationship mess which people go through everyday.
Or should i wait till the right person comes along.

I realized further that I don't want to make a choice now.I have my career and financial goals towards which i have to work for.As enrique said rightly "I'm not in love.it's just a phase that i'm going through".
Just play along as it comes.Of course sometimes there will be days where all the logic seems illogical.Life doesn't seem interesting.But have to hang on for greener days.
I thank my critics for criticizing.just the fuel i need to go on.

6:07 pm,sunday
la jolla
july 9th